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“Game of Thrones” S03E09

“Game of Thrones” S03E09
Images courtesy of HBO except for the one with the guy in the sombrero.

Images courtesy of HBO except for the one with the guy in the sombrero.

*****Spoilers ahead-You’ve been warned-Don’t cry******

I feel like Rambo dressed up like Rocky for Halloween and punched me directly in the cock. WTF GOT? Stay away from my balls.

In an episodic structure, writers have to repeatedly hurt the good guy because they have a lot of time to kill. Movies, on the other hand, have a limited amount of time to show the hero losing his job, house, wife, and kids before being sent to prison and raped by a guy named Reggie. Before you assume that my last sentence was racist, just know that Reggie’s last name is Sanchez. He is Hispanic, not black you bigot.

Now, this picture is definitely racist....and also a little charming.

Now, this picture is definitely racist….and also a little charming.

In the next to last episode of “Game of Thrones” season 3, we find Arya and the Hound traveling to House Frey. The Hound thinks Rob Stark will offer a reward for his sister. Stark is there to celebrate the marriage between Edmure and the Frey daughter. He also has to apologize to all the girls for not marrying one of them. This noble act is treated very humiliatingly by Lord Frey (who might be as despicable as Joffrey).

He has a face that only a mother could love. That is, if his mother was actually capable of love.

He has a face that only a mother could love. That is, if his mother was actually capable of love.

Meanwhile, there is nothing dragon the House Targaryen down. Their army and real estate are growing, morality is high and the kids really seem to dig this drag queen….I mean, “dragon queen.”

On the other side of Westeros, Bran and Rickon are taking shelter in an abandoned castle when they witness Jon Snow and the wildlings dispatch an old man. The wildlings are concerned with Jon’s loyalty and open the lines for communication between them. I’m just kidding. They attack him with swords.

Bran does his magic mind meld trick with the dire wolves.  Just like sex on a zero gravity simulator, he fucks them up.

After the dog’s are done ripping out spinal chords via throat ducts, Jon Snow jumps on a horse and rides away leaving behind his new wife and the clan leader. Not the “klan” leader, you bigot. 

I'll be right back, baby. Just going out for a pack of smokes.

I’ll be right back, baby. Just going out for a pack of smokes.

When Arya finally makes it to the House Frey, it is too late. Stark, his men, his queen, and his mother are ambushed and killed.

That’s where this review comes full circle back to my balls; which are throbbing in a bad way after this episode. You know that feeling when you drive down a hill too fast? Picture that exact same feeling while being punched in the balls (or boobs if you are female). “GoT” pulled this same stunt when Ned Stark was killed during the first season. Now, my feelings are hurt, and I want Jon Snow, Arya and Bran to do some avenging.

Maybe a fight to the death between Joffrey and Lord Frey, where the winner is awarded the prize of a slow torture would be appropriate. Maybe I watch too much “Dexter.”

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Awesome Comments

  • Made the mistake of reading the books… Only reason this is a mistake is we all know HBO will take it any way they want and not follow the books. This season is ticking me off, hoping to get to the point I did with True blood were it’s separate from the books and doesn’t piss me off anymore

    • Stanton Brasher

      I have not read the books yet, but may try to between seasons. I hear they are pretty excellent.