“Game of Thrones” S03E09
*****Spoilers ahead-You’ve been warned-Don’t cry******
I feel like Rambo dressed up like Rocky for Halloween and punched me directly in the cock. WTF GOT? Stay away from my balls.
In an episodic structure, writers have to repeatedly hurt the good guy because they have a lot of time to kill. Movies, on the other hand, have a limited amount of time to show the hero losing his job, house, wife, and kids before being sent to prison and raped by a guy named Reggie. Before you assume that my last sentence was racist, just know that Reggie’s last name is Sanchez. He is Hispanic, not black you bigot.
In the next to last episode of “Game of Thrones” season 3, we find Arya and the Hound traveling to House Frey. The Hound thinks Rob Stark will offer a reward for his sister. Stark is there to celebrate the marriage between Edmure and the Frey daughter. He also has to apologize to all the girls for not marrying one of them. This noble act is treated very humiliatingly by Lord Frey (who might be as despicable as Joffrey).
Meanwhile, there is nothing dragon the House Targaryen down. Their army and real estate are growing, morality is high and the kids really seem to dig this drag queen….I mean, “dragon queen.”
On the other side of Westeros, Bran and Rickon are taking shelter in an abandoned castle when they witness Jon Snow and the wildlings dispatch an old man. The wildlings are concerned with Jon’s loyalty and open the lines for communication between them. I’m just kidding. They attack him with swords.
Bran does his magic mind meld trick with the dire wolves. Just like sex on a zero gravity simulator, he fucks them up.
After the dog’s are done ripping out spinal chords via throat ducts, Jon Snow jumps on a horse and rides away leaving behind his new wife and the clan leader. Not the “klan” leader, you bigot.
When Arya finally makes it to the House Frey, it is too late. Stark, his men, his queen, and his mother are ambushed and killed.
That’s where this review comes full circle back to my balls; which are throbbing in a bad way after this episode. You know that feeling when you drive down a hill too fast? Picture that exact same feeling while being punched in the balls (or boobs if you are female). “GoT” pulled this same stunt when Ned Stark was killed during the first season. Now, my feelings are hurt, and I want Jon Snow, Arya and Bran to do some avenging.
Maybe a fight to the death between Joffrey and Lord Frey, where the winner is awarded the prize of a slow torture would be appropriate. Maybe I watch too much “Dexter.”