SNF: Iron Man Vs. Samus Aran
Sunday Night Fights Presents Iron Man Vs. Samus
The Beauty And The Beast
One is a red-and-yellow clad master of mechanized mayhem, with gadgets galore, who leaves their adversaries shaking in their boots – the other looks really pretty without their helmet on.
But which is which?
Proving to be one of the more divisive contests here at SFN, emotions were high and temperatures rose as the writers disputed this knockdown dragout. There was almost a Sunday Night Fight of another kind when discussing this one. But out of the mire of epithets, condemnation and butt-hurt, our writers were able to form a clear and informative opinion. Here’s what they said…
Camp Iron Man
Kyle Bufkin: Iron Man. Samus fights a giant brain lady. Tony fights the Mandarin and alcoholism. Samus only has one cannon on her leaving her without a hand. Tony has several cannons and both usable hands. Also, Tony is from ‘Merrica, and we are the best.
Lauren Paz: Iron man. Specifically Robert Downey Jr Iron Man. Samus would see him and be like “damn. Never mind. You sexy” and then we would have a whole other battle on our hands. But in all fairness, Tony Stark is reeeeeeally smart. And strong. And rich. He would win.
Aaron Metzger: Iron man. He’s got the know how to build pretty much anything to exploit the weaknesses of Samus.
Monk: This is
a bizarre little game you play serious business, but this time I actually have an opinion. Samus. Tony is a cocky little bastard and could easily be distracted by the beautiful, yet seriously deadly, Samus. I think she is way more of a badass than Tony.
Stanton Brasher: Tony is a billionaire playboy who spends much of his time within the atmosphere of Earth. In fact, I don’t think his suit functions in space. If I remember from the first film, when he goes too high, the suit freezes.
Samus, however, is a trained soldier that has dedicated her life to fight space pirates across the Galaxy. Her suit functions in any altitude and as a fighter, she stands at 6’2 and weighs 198 lbs of muscle. Where as, RDJr, is only 5’8 and weighs 174 lbs (some of it is definitely pudge).
Samus also has a gunship that can provide her with extra health. Her canon can fire missiles, beams, and charge blasts. It takes Iron Man various mechanisms to perform the same functions. She can also morph into a bomb dropping ball that can squeeze through tight crevices and is damn near impenetrable.
She was raised by an alien race who taught her, 300 style, to be a warrior. Stark was raised by a billionaire scientist. It would be like Chevy Chase (rich neighborhood) VS Bill Murray (lower middle class Irish neighborhood).
I get it. Stark is more charismatic. You want to root for him because he has some funny one liners and he came back from drugs and alcohol (Stark or RDJr?) but Samus is the superior fighter and has all the same, if not better, gadgets.
Thomas Duder: Gonna hafta go with Samus on this one. A trained bounty hunter, mercenary, she has more weapons at her disposal at any given point than Tony….
Iron Man is impressive, that’s true. But it’s all about what they have on right at that moment – which suit would win out. Iron Man’s got neat toys, but none are as effective or as tested as Samus, considering how much damage she’s had to wade through to achieve her objective.
Plus I’ve never been one to believe in the comic book ideal that a trained, experienced bounty hunter and veteran mercenary can be defeated by a plucky vigilante with a few novel upgrades.
Besides, Stanton pointed it out already – she’s using an antique powered suit, and even then her skill shines through, y’know? Even with Extremis, Tony simply doesn’t have the experience and skill to take her out.
Stephanie Weirich: Samus, all the way. She’s a total badass who lives to do battle. Like, all of the time. It is all she knows. Iron Man only fights when he has to, which is exponentially less than Samus’s fight-everything-all-of-the-time lifestyle. Also, she doesn’t have the specter of alcoholism and rich boy entitlement to contend with.
Alex Ancira: Samus wins because she doesn’t give a fuck about slaughtering entire species on faraway planets. Also she’s killed Ridley like six times and doesn’t bat an eyelash. Did I mention that she and her suit gets corrupted by phazon and not a fuck was given that day? Iron man still has issues over practically nothing. Samus fucks up shit then blows up the planet. Also morph balls. Samus ftw
Iron Man is a force to be reckoned with and capable of dispensing much ass-kickery, but Samus is a straight beast and would prove to be just too much for the Avenger.
But now it’s your turn. Who do you think would win this one? The mercenary or the superhero? Vote in our poll below, and tell us why you think your pick would come out the victor in the comments.