Throwback Thursday: Things I Learned From ‘Degrassi’
‘Degrassi’ may be from Canada, but it’s impact is international
Let us guide you through puberty.
Degrassi, a show about teenage drama, has survived the ages. The show has gone through several generations, and still airs on Teen Nick, the cool version of Nickelodeon for hip kids. I would be lying if I said I have not followed the show from the beginning. Don’t worry, I am seeking help for my addiction. No I’m not. I have learned so many life lessons from this show and I feel it is only fair to share these with you. Below, please find my list of lessons I have learned from Degrassi throughout the years, dating all the way back to 1987.
When you hear a gun shot, or see people running away screaming, you should probably walk towards the chaos to see what is going on.
Ever wondered what Port is? Well it is fancy wine you drink on a boat my friends!
Try a hardcore drug! Don’t worry, you will not get addicted.
Condoms make excellent balloons.
In the 80’s, if a teacher was interested in you, it was probably molestation. After 2000, it just became a super hot affair.
Top modeling agents generally attend high school fashion shows to look for new talent.
Most problems can be solved in the short span of 30 minutes.
What most kids do in their adolescence: Party. Drugs. Sex.
What I did in my adolescence: Read comic books and pretend I had a boyfriend. Oh, and watch Degrassi.
Using XL condoms on a tiny penis (even if you have pumped) will get a girl pregnant and you will die.
Eating disorders, and most major life problems, tend not to last any longer than a week. So, hang in there!
Toby is and always will be gross.
Some schools have janitor’s closets that lock from the inside. It is really great for throwing your enemies into. Nobody will ever check on it.
If you want to go to a dance, or really anywhere you should not be, just tell your parents there is school at night or you are staying at a friend’s house. You will probably get caught in the end, but it will blow over by next week.
Though most Asians are stereotyped as insanely smart, organized, and well disciplined, the one Asian immigrant that attended Degrassi in the 1980’s was a sport whiz, disorganized, and had terrible grades.
If a social worker is visiting your home, it is probably a smart move to mention that, like any other parent, there are times when you feel like hitting your children. But never fear, they do not make commission per child they confiscate.
Celebrities often solicit advice and create friendships with high school students.
Taking care of an egg is exactly like taking care of a real child.
Do not blow a guy in a van in the ravine unless you want gonorrhea.
It is okay to rape someone as long as there are no witnesses. You will not get convicted, you will still be popular, and the girl’s attitude will improve.
When you think you have dated all of your friends, there is probably one you have missed. And that one is probably the one you should marry.
Do not fuck with Mr. Raditch.
The lessons learned are endless, so please keep in mind this is a just a short list of the invaluable wisdom passed down by this show. Should you decide you would like to educate yourself, I recommend watching Degrassi: The Next Generation from 2001. This was probably my favorite cast because it was edgy and brought back some of our favorite characters from the 1987 Degrassi Junior High, AS PARENTS. Look at those crazy Canadians, making drama babies to entertain us for years to come.
The dramatic video to the angst filled music below pretty much sums up the show.