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Top 10 Sexiest Detectives in (Recent) TV History

Top 10 Sexiest Detectives in (Recent) TV History

There’s something inherently sexy about a sleuth- something about their ability to figure it all out. To figure you out. To undress you with their eyes. To start caressing you slowly with their… latex gloves. (Hey, some people are into that stuff.) Well, let’s just say fighting crime is hot, and on TV, doubly so. I’ve compiled a list of some of the sexiest detectives of the small screen from the past 15 years or so, and while I might use the term “detective” loosely in some places, you will find they are all badge-carrying and gun-toting (this list would have been so much longer if they weren’t). Which automatically makes them sexier right there.

 

10. Detective Rey Curtis – Law & Order

Benjamin Bratt looking sexy

Image courtesy of NBC

 The Sofaking office passed this photo around and we all agreed – He’s too sexy to make a joke about.

This tall, dark and handsome hunk was one of my first TV crushes. My mom watched Law & Order pretty religiously when I was growing up, and there wasn’t a whole lot to do except watch it with her and ogle Benjamin Bratt. Seriously, look at those cheekbones. Anyone else think he could be related to renowned heartthrob Johnny Depp?

 

9. Deputy Police Chief Brenda Johnson – The Closer

Kyra Sedgewick looking pretty

Image courtesy of TNT

Now that’s a GILF!

Kyra Sedgwick melds tough-as-nails and Southern charm as Brenda way better than all of the women of Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes combined. She’ll kill you with kindness, then have you in handcuffs faster than you can say “bless your heart.” Couple that with a rockin’ bod, and she’s one of the most bangable babes to grace a cop drama.

 

8. Detective Jane Rizzoli – Rizzoli & Isles

Jane Rizzoli holding a pair of handcuffs

Image courtesy of TNT

We got her and a set of handcuffs. Now, we just need a room full of boners.

Street smart and not gonna take your shit, Angie Harmon as Rizzoli is hell in high heels… well, okay, usually just sensible cop shoes. She’s not a girly girl, but she is all woman. Even though her wardrobe is actually some of least cleavage-baring of all the lady cops on TV, she is STILL a tall drink of water. I think it actually makes us want to see her boobs more.

 

7. Detective Ed Green – Law & Order

Image courtesy of NAACP

Image courtesy of NBC

Dammit Google! I’m not Anthony Anderson!

 

So, when I didn’t have Benjamin Bratt to stare at, there was Jesse L. Martin. Definitely a cop, definitely gets the job done… but when he smiles? Hot damn, you just melt. I mean, even the guys gotta admit you kind of want a man hug from him, right? Something about him says he’s sweet and spicy all at once.

 

6. Detective Grace Hanadarko – Saving Grace

Sexy Holly Hunter on a couch in saving grace

Image courtesy of TNT

 I’m more Gilfier than Kyra Sedgewick. Plus, my accent isn’t as annoying

 

Why didn’t this show run longer than 3 seasons? Holly Hunter plays a badass detective who parties so hard that she needs a literal guardian angel. I guess there’s only so much you can do with that, but not only was the character of Grace a complicated, ass-kicking fuckup, she was sexy AND sexual – there are some great steamy scenes in the series.

 

5. Special Agent Ziva David – NCIS

Ziva David being sexy

Image courtesy of CBS

Nice sweater…

 

 Ohhhh Ziva, you tease. Cote de Pablo’s stunning beauty is accented by Ziva’s adorable flirtatiousness, biting sarcasm, and her ability to take down an army single-handedly. Okay, that last one was an exaggeration, but Ziva is not to be messed with. Beautiful and dangerous, how can we not love her?

 

4. Special Agent Seely Booth – Bones

Image courtesy of Joss Whedon

Image courtesy of 20th Century Fox

Dave Boreanaz, star of the Oscar nominated film, “Valentine.” *Citation needed.

 

Muscles, a playful side, and aggressively protective of his “squints.” I’ve had erotic dreams about David Boreanaz since Buffy and Angel, but he’s a little less brooding in this one as Booth, and I gotta like a guy who smiles. Plus, he’s Catholic, and for some reason, that’s even hotter. Something about ducking into an empty confessional booth…

 

3. Detective Olivia Benson – Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

olivia benson looking sexy

Image courtesy of NBC

On a scale of 1-10, how old are you?

 

 A show this serious, it’s hard to joke about wanting to bone one of it’s characters, but Mariska Hargitay is just too damn gorgeous. On top of that, Olivia is just so sensitive and wonderful with the victims, but such a nasty piece of work with the bad guys, and is all around a fantastically developed character. It’s hard to tell if, as a woman, you want to do her or to be her.

 

2. & 1. Special Agents Dana Scully, M.D. and Fox Mulder – X-Files

Mulder and Scully dancing

Image courtesy of 20th Century Fox

 We’re all getting anal probed up in hurr!!

 

Not only are Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny super hot individually, but also their infamous sexual tension just turned the heat up to 11 when these two were on screen. Will they, won’t they, will they, won’t they, will they… won’t they… will… OH JUST FUCK ME, BOTH OF YOU.

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